You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
