Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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