his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
