I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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