My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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