Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
