Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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