i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
