there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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