if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
