If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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