I didn't shave. On purpose
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize