Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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