He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
