Me. At least after what I've been through.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize