Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
