I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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