The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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