mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
