This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
