Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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