Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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