A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
