elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
