i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
