I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
