Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
