you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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