...so i touched it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
