I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
