I'm really into asian looking animals
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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