see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
