I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
