He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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