Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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