So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
