He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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