i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize