Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
