am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
