it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
