All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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