I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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