just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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