When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want nice things and good sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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