Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
