just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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