Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
