Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
