I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i need some magic done to my vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
