How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
