Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
