Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
