just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
