I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
