**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
