She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
