3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
