apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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