Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
