Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
are you so shy because you have an std?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
