YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
