I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
