Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
