evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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