Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
