i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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