He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
