we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
