Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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