Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
