Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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